Meanwhile, Back in Archades
by crazygunbladergirl
Summary: Through some insane turn of events, Vaan and Penelo end up ruling Archadia while Basch and Larsa get stranded in the wilderness. Can they get back before Vaan and Penelo end up destroying Archadia? No pairings, rated for minor fight scenes, slight languag
1. Chapter 1

_I felt like writing a fanfic for Final Fantasy XII, and this is what I came up with. Yeah, this chapter's pretty short. They'll get longer, trust me. I don't own Final Fantasy or any other Square Enix games. Enjoy!_

**When Larsa Went on Vacation**

Chapter 1 -- The Plan

Larsa grabbed his head suddenly and groaned.

"Lord Larsa! Is everything all right?" asked a concerned Basch. Larsa blearily looked up and nodded.

"Yeah, it's just a small headache." He sat up straight and looked at the mountain of papers that sat before him, petitions from various Archadian nobles and merchants.

Basch looked closely at the little emperor and noticed how tired and worn his face was. "My lord, are you sure you're well?" Larsa nodded and began writing answers to the petitions.

Meanwhile in Rabanastre, Penelo was opening up a letter she had just received from Basch. She was always excited to read letters from her former comrades, and Basch was usually the quickest to respond. As she began reading the letter, she did not notice a person creeping up behind her.

"I WANNA READ!"

The person jumped on Penelo and tried to grab the letter from her hands, but she was too quick for him. The figure finally gave up and went to the ground. Penelo turned to see Vaan standing before her, hungrily eyeing the letter.

"Wait your turn," she ordered, and she continued reading. "Basch says that Larsa's really stressed with all the work of being an emperor."

"Stressed? What kind of work does an emperor do?" Vaan asked.

"Well, I guess he has to fix everything from when his brother and father were in charge." Penelo was reading about how Basch was worried about Larsa's health, when suddenly Vaan grabbed the letter and tried to yank it from her hands.

"Okay, my turn now!"

"No, I'm almost done!"

The two played tug-of-war with the letter, until suddenly it ripped down the middle, causing both Penelo and Vaan to fall backwards. Vaan accidenly let go of his half of the letter.

"Quick, catch it!" Penelo shouted, but the wind blew it off before Vaan could grab it. Penelo sighed, but Vaan put on a mischievous grin.

"Oh well, you read it. So what did it say?" he asked innocently.

Penelo glared at him. "I didn't finish it," she shouted, "because you lost the part I was just about to read!"

Vaan gulped. "Oops."

Penelo sighed again, and repeated, "Anyway, Larsa's been pretty stressed out lately, but Basch thinks he'll be able to handle it if he takes a little break --"

"We should help him out!" declared Vaan. He grabbed the letter from Penelo and read the last sentences out loud:

_I am concerned for Lord Larsa's health. While he is doing a good job in taking over the duties of an emperor, his headaches seem to be getting a bit more severe. I am sure that the young Larsa would appreciate it if the two of you would..._

The letter was torn off there.

"See?" said Vaan. "We should go there and help Larsa with his emperor duties! That's what Basch was probably going to ask us, right?"

Penelo started to say, "I'm not sure about that," but Vaan suddenly blurted out, "We should send Larsa on vacation and take over for him!"

"What?!" Penelo stared at Vaan, shocked that he could really be this stupid. "We can't just send Larsa by himself to go on some vacation when the people of Archades need him most right now!"

Vaan thought for a bit. "You're right; we can't just send him by himself." Penelo was about to sigh in relief, but Vaan quickly added, "But we're still going to Archades to see how Larsa's doing!"

Before Penelo could protest, Vaan grabbed her hand and dragged her to the Aerodrome.

_This could be bad..._ she thought gloomily.


	2. Chapter 2: Vacation

_I just picked Ixion because I don't think it's been used for any other airships yet. I want some reviews before I post more (actually I need to get some ideas first...). Enjoy!_

Chapter 2 -- Vacation

Basch watched as Larsa continued to answer petitions. The dark-haired emperor looked as though he would fall asleep any minute.

"My lord, do you wish to take a break?" he asked corteously.

Larsa looked up. "No, I think I'm almost finished. But thank you for your concern, Sir Basch." He went on writing replies. Suddenly, a loud knock was heard at the door.

"Who is it?" Basch shouted.

"SUPRISE!!"

The door burst open, and in came none other than Vaan and Penelo. They must have been going over 100 in that airship to get there in an hour...

Larsa stood up in suprise. "Wh-what are you two doing here?"

Penelo smiled in embarassment. "Sorry for coming without notice, but Vaan wanted to help you out."

"Well, this sure is a nice suprise!" Larsa exclaimed. He looked over at the pile of petitions. "I am almost finished with these replies, but I sure could use the company!"

The four of them began chatting away about old times. However, Vaan never let on that they were planning on putting Larsa on vacation. Penelo was the first to bring up the idea.

"So, Larsa, if you're almost finished, why don't you take a break and visit the countryside?"

"Oh no, Penelo," "Larsa replied. "I still have much to do around here. Maybe in a few years I'll visit Rabanastre and visit you and Lady Ashe!"

Penelo nodded and glanced over at Vaan with a "See? I told you!" look.

That night, Vaan and Penelo sat alone on a balcony and talked about their -- er, Vaan's -- plan.

"Larsa can't go on vacation now!" Penelo exclaimed.

"But a little-itty break won't be bad!" replied Vaan.

"He doesn't want to go on vacation yet!"

Vaan thought for a bit. "Maybe he doesn't realize that he wants to go on vacation," he mumbled. Then he sat up straight. "I know! We'll put him on an airship while he's asleep! Then when he wakes up he'll be in a wonderful paradise, with no worries or--"

"Vaan! That's so stupid! Leaving him in the middle of no where with no idea where he is or what just happened!"

"Well, of course, we'll put a note in his pocket explaining what happened," Vaan replied.

"Besides," Penelo continued, "Basch would never approve!"

"Hm, you're right. It's not fair to send just Larsa on vacation. Basch can go, too!"

Penelo put her head in her hands and sighed. _He's so stupid_, she thought.

The next day, Vaan worked out a plan to drug Basch and Larsa and put them on an airship headed toward Balfonheim. Penelo, of course, had great misgivings about the whole plan, but she went along with it anyway. It was foolish to try to convince Vaan that he was an idiot.

Vaan snuck into the kitchen and slipped a sleeping potion into the food that was going to be delivered to Larsa and Basch. Then he went to find an airship. The emperor's private airship was still fairly large for a private ship, but it ran like a normal airship. Its name was the _Ixion_, and it was mostly dark red with golden trim.

"This sure is nice!" Vaan said to himself. "I wouldn't mind piloting one day!"

As the afternoon came around, Larsa and Basch began eating dinner. Penelo and Vaan watched them carefully so they could catch them as soon as they fell alseep. Finally, Larsa began to feel a little drowsy, and he tried to get up. However, he was so tired that he ended up falling into his plate in a deep sleep. Basch quickly followed, though he had moved his plate away in time. Instead, his head hit the plain table.

"Success!" Vaan whispered.

Then, Vaan and Penelo packed them some clothes and put them in the private airship. Vaan programmed the autopilot to take the _Ixion_ to Balfonheim and sent it on its way.

"Now what do we do?" Penelo asked as they watched the ship fly off.

"Well, we obviously have to do Larsa's work!" Vaan replied.

"Which is..?"

Instantly they realized the first great flaw in the plan.

"Wasn't he answering petitions before?" Vaan asked.

"Yeah, but we can't do that!" Penelo exclaimed.

"Sure we can! We just write answers to people's questions!"

They walked back to Larsa's study and looked through the remaining petitions.

"Here's one asking for a grant to refurnish the air taxis," Penelo suggested as she picked up a letter.

"Okay, let's give them money!" Vaan declared. "Larsa's got plenty of gil lying around!"

By the end of the day, Larsa had unofficially spent 100,000 gil on various requests from the Archadian people. What would Larsa say to this?

Well, Larsa had just woken up in a passenger seat in an airship far away from Archades.


	3. Chapter 3: What Just Happened?

_Poor Larsa and Basch... That's all I can say here! Enjoy!_

Chapter 3 -- Uh, What Just Happened?

Larsa looked around the _Ixion_ in wonder. "When did I get on this airship?" he mumbled to himself, trying to remember a reason why he would suddenly decide to go somewhere in the middle of answering petitions. He soon heard Basch groan as he woke up in the seat next to him.

"Sir Basch, when did we get on this airship?" Larsa asked softly.

Basch, just realizing where he was, jumped and looked around rapidly. "Why are we on an airship?" he shouted.

"That's what I just asked you, Sir Basch."

The two of them thought for a moment. Then a white piece of paper hanging out of Larsa's pocket caught Basch's eye.

"My lord, you have a note in your pocket."

Larsa pulled the paper out and read out loud:

_"Hey, Larsa and Basch! We figure you both needed a break, so Penelo and I sent you on your way to Balfonheim! Don't worry, this airship is on autopilot. Penelo and I can take care of everything for you guys in Archades. Just relax, enjoy yourselves, and don't worry about a thing! We've got it all under control! Have fun in Balfonheim!_

_Vaan"_

Larsa and Basch both looked at each other in shock.

"I'm worried now," Larsa said nervously after a long silence.

"That idiot! I should have known!" Basch sighed and put his head in his hands. "We need to get back as soon as possible."

"Yes, but how do we get this ship off of autopilot?"

They both stared at the airship controls. Neither one had ever piloted an airship before. Larsa finally rolled up his sleeves and decided to try pressing something.

"One of these buttons has to land it, right?"

"Wait, my lo--"

Larsa pressed a big yellow button next to the radar screen. Suddenly, the ship lurched and began diving quickly toward the ground.

"Grab the control!" Larsa yelled frantically.

Basch grabbed the steering wheel and tried turning it, but he turned it so hard that it caused the ship to swerve dangerously to the south.

"We're over the ocean now!!" Larsa shouted as he cautiously looked out the window. "We need to get back to land!"

Basch continued to turn the steering wheel in various directions until they were finally over land again. However, the navagation system had been completely burned out by the violent steering. In other words, they had no idea where they were. Basch concentrated on keeping the ship in the sky, while Larsa periodically checked out the window to see where they were.

"This looks like the Tchita Uplands," Larsa noted as he saw the green hills below them.

"With all due respect, my lord, I am positive that we are currently over the Cerobi Steppe. See those structures down below?" Basch motioned toward a stone building on the ground.

"But there are structures like these in the mountains! We could be in the Mosphorian Highwaste!"

They continued to argue, though in a friendly manner since Larsa never seems to get angry, and Basch was too preoccupied with driving the ship. Everything seemed to be going fine, other than the fact that they were lost.

"We'll keep flying until we approach a large town that could have an Aerodrome," Basch suggested. "Then we'll land and catch a public airship back to Archades."

"That sounds like a good plan," Larsa replied. Indeed, it did seem like a good plan. Until...

"Sir Basch, do you hear that sputtering sound?"

Basch listened. A loud coughing sound was coming from the back of the ship. "What is it? Do you suppose we could be...?" Suddenly, a red light started flashing on the control panel, and the words "Low Fuel" appeared on the navigation screen.

Larsa frantically looked out the window to see if there was a town nearby, but the clouds obscured his view. "Sir Basch, we have to land!" he yelled.

"I do not know how!" Basch replied. "I've only seen the sky pirate Balthier do it once!" He glanced around on the control panel, looking for something that would land the ship. Unfortunately, the fuel would not wait for him. A final loud cough erupted from the back of the ship, and soon Larsa and Basch felt the vehicle lurch forward.

"We're falling!" Larsa shouted.

Basch tried to turn the wheel to steer the ship to a good landing spot, but as soon as they cleared the clouds they saw that wasteland stretched for as far as the eye could see.

"Brace yourself, Lord Larsa!"

With a loud crash, the ship careened to the ground and skidded to a stop.


	4. Chapter 4: Duties of the Emperor

_Now we switch back to Archades to see just how much Vaan is going to mess things up. Poor Penelo..._

Chapter 4 -- Duties of the Emperor

By the end of the day, Vaan had looked through so many papers that he even saw words when he closed his eyes. Soon, Penelo could hear snoring from the other side of the room.

"WAKE UP, STUPID!"

Penelo whacked him on the head with a rolled up letter. Rubbing his head slowly, Vaan blearily looked up at the blonde taskmaster.

"We've been doing this for five hours. I'm bored." Then he went back to sleep.

Penelo glared at him. She slowly pulled her foot back and released it to kick Vaan in the thigh.

"This was whole thing was your stupid idea in the first place!" she shouted. "If you're so bored then why did you drag me from Rabanastre in the first place?!"

Vaan rubbed his sore thigh. "I thought being emperor would be more fun... I'm tired of reading papers..."

Suddenly, they heard a knock at the door. Vaan jumped up and tried to look as official as possible.

A soldier walked in and stopped at the sight of two teenage orphans sitting where Larsa and Basch normally would sit.

"Uh, m-my lord?" he squeaked.

"Lord Larsa is on vacation right now. We've been assigned to take his place!" Vaan exclaimed, suddenly genuinely interested in his new position.

"Ah, I see," the soldier responded, although he seemed a bit suspicious. Then he continued, "You see, this is a bit unfortunate, because Lord Larsa was supposed to meet with the Lady Ashelia of Dalmasca to work out an alliance agreement."

"Ashe! We know Ashe!" Vaan squealed excitedly.

"We're from Dalmasca," Penelo explained to the confused soldier. She wasn't too sure if the Lady Ashe would be thrilled to see them in place of Larsa and Basch.

"Lord Larsa is also supposed to make a public speech to the people of Archades in two days! If they find that he is not here --"

"We'll make the speech for him!" Vaan blurted out.

Penelo turned to him in shock. "Vaan! Are you seriously that stu--"

"We'll dress up as Larsa and Basch! That way, no one will ever know that he is gone!" Vaan interrupted.

"I'm not sure about..." The soldier was still trying to figure out where Larsa could have gone in such short notice.

"I can imitate Basch pretty well!" Vaan continued. "And Penelo could dress up as Larsa and give the speech!"

This actually relieved Penelo somewhat. _Good, that idiot won't be giving the speech. I don't want to imagine what would happen if he did._

"I suppose that could work," said the soldier. "In that case, I will not tell anyone else that Lord Larsa and Sir Basch have gone on holiday." He saluted and briskly left the room.

"Okay, how do you plan to pull this one off?" Penelo asked Vaan in an irritated tone.

"Well, you have a higher voice like Larsa, and I think I would look pretty cool in Basch's armor!" Vaan explained.

"We don't even know what the speech was supposed to be about!" Penelo yelled.

"So? Neither do the people! They'll never know the difference!"

Penelo sighed. _This situation just gets worse and worse... _

Vaan quickly ran to Larsa's room and pulled out some royal-looking attire for Penelo. Then he searched around to find armor like Basch's. However, there was only one set of that armor, and Basch was currently wearing it.

"There has to be an extra around _somewhere_!" he exclaimed, as he came back to the study.

"Maybe you could get another copy made?" Penelo suggested. She just didn't want her stupid friend to get arrested for royal impersonation.

"Hm, that might work. Wait here and try on the clothes!" Vaan shouted as he once again ran out of the room.

Penelo looked at the clothes in front of her. They were silk and very well-made. However, as Vaan had little fashion taste, he had pulled out an unmatching purple shirt and bright yellow pants.

"That idiot. I'll just have to go to Larsa's room and find something else that matches," she muttered to herself.

She wandered through the hallway, forgetting that she was still wearing Larsa's shirt with her own pants.

"My lord! What did you do to your hair?"

Penelo froze and glanced over to a maid who was apparently talking to her.

"You must have washed your hair with bleach!" the maid continued as she walked up to Penelo. "And what on earth are you wearing?"

Penelo thought quickly and tried to fake her best Larsa voice.

"I-I forgot something in my study, and I wanted to get it before I forgot about it again."

The maid seemed convinced. "My lord, you should at least make sure you're fully dressed before you leave your room. Put on some nicer clothes and come to the washroom. I will try to wash that bleach out of your hair. And I don't think those braids are very flattering."

Penelo nodded and ran off to Larsa's room. _I suppose I should find some hair dye before I do this speech_. She found a better pair of brown pants and put them on. However, even Penelo is bigger than Larsa, so they were a bit small. She put her own boots on overtop to hide them. Then she left the room and tried to get back to the study before the maid could notice her. Unfortunately, the maid was waiting right outside the door.

"Come, my lord. I shall scrub as best as I can to return your hair to its normal black shine!"

She grabbed Penelo's arm and dragged her to the washroom.

_How am I getting out of this one?_ Penelo thought fearfully as they fled through the hallway. _Where is that idiot Vaan when I need him?_

Indeed, things were not only getting worse for her, but our friends from Archades soon learned that they were stranded in the wilderness without a ship.


	5. Chapter 5: Where the BEEP Are We?

_Sorry for the wait, but I couldn't decide where our Archadian friends would crash-land. So, now we get to see what new misfortunes have befallen Larsa and Basch! You thought Vaan was stupid before!_

Chapter 5 -- Where the -BEEP- Are We?

"Uhn..." Larsa groaned as he crawled out of the wrecked airship. Pushing his long black hair out of his face, he looked around to see miles of endless wasteland, with occasional large rock faces towering up into the sky.

"Lord Larsa! Are you safe?"

Larsa turned and saw Basch climbing out of another mass of wreck. "I'm fine, Sir Basch. But I'm afraid the _Ixion_ wasn't so lucky..." They both stared in horror at the various pieces of airship scattered over the ground. The once grand _Ixion_ was now completely totalled.

Basch let out a heavy sigh. Larsa slowly walked over to a nearby rock and sat down.

"Well," Basch said after a long silence, "first we should figure out where we are."

Larsa glanced around at the misty fog, the withered trees, the abundant moss, and the scattered rocks. "I suppose this is the Mosphorian Highwaste," he guessed.

"Goodness, you're right, Lord Larsa!" Basch shouted as he slowly recognized the rock faces. "How did we get so far off course? This is in the complete opposite direction from Balfonheim!"

A vision of Vaan laughing with a dumb smile on his face simultaneously appeared in both of their minds.

"Damn that fool!" yelled Basch. "He must have programmed the autopilot wrong!"

"Sir Basch!"

Basch looked at Larsa in suprise.

"You cursed!" Larsa whimpered. "You never curse! You're always calm and quiet! But now you're cursing!"

"My lord, does it offend you?" Basch asked solemnly.

"Well... not really... I mean, Doctor Cid used to curse all the time, but," Larsa frowned. "It's scary when you do it!"

"I am sorry, my lord," Basch apologized. "I shall control my tongue better."

Larsa nodded, and Basch walked over to see what was left in the mass of wrecked ship. He soon picked out two suitcases from what had been the cargo bay.

"Lord Larsa, it would seem as though the idiot at least bothered to pack us luggage," he called as he showed the two packs. Larsa looked up in interest.

"What's in there?" he asked curiously.

Basch unpacked the first suitcase. To his dismay, the only supplies he could find were clothes. Not only were they just clothes...

"Women's clothes?" Larsa sqeaked.

"What was that idiot thinking?" Basch groaned. He unpacked the other suitcase to find more women's clothes, along with some pajamas and a pair of Larsa's trousers.

"I sincerely hope that Penelo did not pack these," Larsa muttered as he picked up one of the dresses, which was pink with lacey trim.

"My guess is that Vaan was, as usual, not thinking, and he must have just thrown in whatever clothes he could find," Basch grumbled. "That fool..."

"I guess I could wear the dresses," Larsa suggested, "but then again you wouldn't fit in the lone pair of pants here..."

"Lord Larsa, I will wear the dresses," Basch replied. "You are the emperor and must therefore maintain your dignity at all times!"

"But I still look young enough to pass as a girl!" Larsa responded.

Deep down inside Basch knew just how right Larsa was. The first time he had seen Larsa back in Bhujerba, he had sworn that the young emperor was indeed an empress.

"If you wish, my lord."

Suddenly, a giant Slaven jumped out of the mist and dove for Larsa. The little emperor nimbly jumped out of the way.

"What the f--"

The creature let out a loud roar, drowning out what was most likely the first time little Larsa had ever cursed. Aw, they sure grow up fast! Luckily, Basch quickly found his massive sword in the ship's rubble and killed the beast with a strong slash. It fell down and crumbled into useless bits of rock.

Larsa sighed in relief. "That was quick thinking, Sir Ba--"

"Lord Larsa!"

"What?" Larsa looked around, thinking that Basch had spotted another Slaven.

"Before, when you jumped away from the monster!"

Larsa turned back to Basch in confusion.

"Did you say what I thought you said?"

Larsa continued to stare at Basch.

"You said it!" Basch shouted.

"What?"

"That word! You cursed!"

"I-I did not!" Larsa frowned. "I was brought up to speak in a refined, respectable manner!"

"With all due respect, you still said it, my lord!"

"I would never curse like that!"

The two continued arguing until the sun finally began to set. Soon, Larsa realized that they needed to find shelter fast, before it became too dark out to travel.

"Which way do you think we should go?" he asked timidly.

"I suppose that any way we go may eventually lead us out of here," the knight replied. "Although we may come out in the wrong direction..."

However, they were both tired, so they walked forward, fighting the occasional wolf as they went. Since Larsa has such an insane amount of Hi-Potions, neither one had to worry about serious injury. Before long, the fog began clearing up.

"We're almost out!" Larsa exclaimed. He eagerly ran ahead to see the end of the Highwaste. Soon, he turned the corner of the rock face and was met by a warm breeze. He dashed out from behind the rock face to see where they had come out.

Suddenly, he stopped and stared in disappointment. Golden desert stretched endlessly under the setting sun. Realizing that the only desert near the Highwaste was in Dalmasca, Larsa knew that they had gone even farther in the wrong direction. Plus, they had no food or water to get themselves across the desert safely. All they had were weapons and various articles of clothing. Indeed, they were stranded in the Dalmascan Estersand, no where near any sort of town or Teleport Stone, and an impulsive, stupid sky pirate from Dalmasca was currently ruling over Archades. Upon realizing this, Larsa slouched down and muttered:

"Oh f--"


	6. Chapter 6: Broken Glass and Blonde Hair

_Ha ha! Hope this is insane enough for you guys! This turned out pretty long... I just had a crazy brainstorm I guess... More of Vaan's stupidity! Yes, the maid is totally modelled off of Ritsu's mom from Fruits Basket lol._

Chapter 6 -- Broken Glass and Blonde Hair

"OOH! Look at all of this armor!"

Vaan stood in amazement at the collection of chestplates and helmets that stood before him. Basch's room was quite grand for that of a judge. The bed was king-sized and decorated with curtains, and the windows were large enough for a small airship to get through.

"Man, all this time he's been living in luxury while Penelo and I are still in a street gang," Vaan muttered. "It's not fair!" Then he realized, "Oh right, I get to be Basch until the real Basch and Larsa return!"

With that assurance, Vaan began eagerly trying on various suits of Basch's armor. The armor was fairly big on Vaan, but he figured that with some extra padding it would fit nicely. He clanked over to the mirror to get a look at himself.

"Grand! Oh so grand! Why didn't Larsa pick _me_ to be a judge, too? I would make a good judge!"

In reality, Vaan had put the armor on backwards. The decorative chestplate sat on his back, while the leg guards rested awkwardly on his arms. Also, the helmet, which has two curly horn-like things sticking out, was sideways so that the horns stuck out of the back and front of his head, instead of the sides. Luckily, he hadn't put the helmet all the way on, so he could still see where he was going.

"I can't wait to show Penelo!" Vaan exclaimed as he proudly stepped out of the room. As he slowly walked back to the office, however, he realized that the armor was growing heavier as he went on. People stared at the unusual Basch-like figure walking through the hallways, wondering if their dear judge had drank too much wine with dinner.

"Poor Lord Larsa!" they whispered. "He's too innocent and sweet to have to deal with a drunken warrior!"

Vaan, however, thought they were praising his sheer amazing-ness. _I should get a sword so I look even cooler!_ he thought. He rushed back to Basch's room as fast as he could in the clunky armor (which isn't very fast) and dug around for the biggest sword he could find.

"Oh, of course, I packed the biggest sword with Basch before he left!" Vaan realized. He was about to give up when he noticed an axe sitting in the corner of the room. "Ooh! An axe! That's even more badass!"

Vaan darted to the corner and picked up the axe. Unfortunately, it was quite heavy, but he kept trying to pick it up until finally he was able to get it off of the ground.

"Ha ha!" he shouted as he lifted it over his head. "Die, foul beast!" But he lifted the axe so high that the force caused it to fly out of his hands and into a pile of glassware sitting nearby. With a loud crash, the axe flew into a tall vase, which broke open and landed on some pitchers, which also broke into several pieces. Shattered glass now lay over most of the floor on top of the discarded clothes and weapons Vaan had pulled out earlier.

"Oops..."

Vaan was considering cleaning it all up, until he remembered that he probably had servants who would gladly do it for him.

"I'll just go find a servant and ask him to clean up the mess in Basch's - er, my - room, and while I'm at it, I should get them to polish the armor," he proclaimed happily. "I love being rich like this! I should substitute for Basch more often!"

Still in high spirits, Vaan left the room and began his search for the unlucky servant who would pick up the scattered glass and various mess he had made. Suddenly, he heard a loud screech coming from one of the wash rooms.

"LORD LARSA!!! I CAN'T GET THE BLEACH OUT!!! I'M SO SORRY!!!"

Vaan rushed into the room and almost started laughing at what he saw. A maid was desperately scrubbing Penelo's hair over a bucket full of soap suds. Poor Penelo was coughing up soap out of her mouth, and she was sitting in a chair that had been turned on its back so that her head would sit right over the bucket.

"Stop pulling on my hair!" Penelo shouted.

"But, my lord! I have to get this bleach out soon or your hair will stay this horrible blonde color!" the maid protested.

The maid then stopped and looked up at the sight of Vaan dressed up as Basch standing in the doorway. He walked toward them and put a hand over his mouth to hide his grin.

"S-Sir Basch!" the maid stuttered. "What are you... Why are you wearing... Huh?" The maid looked back and forth between the fake Larsa and the fake Basch, trying to figure out what was going on. Penelo wiped the soap out of her eyes and saw Vaan's failed attempt at putting on armor. She started to find it very hard to keep from laughing. Vaan also couldn't hold it in much longer.

"Ha ha ha ha ha!"

Both of them burst out laughing at each other's ridiculous appearances. The maid continued to stare in confusion.

"Wow, you really need help in putting on that armor, Va-- I mean, Sir Basch!" Penelo exclaimed.

"Nice hair," Vaan shot back.

"Sirs, what in the world is going on?!" the maid shouted.

_Great, how do we explain this?_ Penelo thought. Fortunately, Vaan came to her rescue.

"We may have had a bit much to drink, ma'am," he explained. "We decided to take a break from petitions and try out some of the late Dr. Cid's old potions and stuff."

"That's how my hair turned this color, ma'am," Penelo lied. _Oh great, getting drunk is a wonderful excuse..._

"How do you get it out?" the maid asked fearfully.

Penelo gulped. "Not sure, ma'am."

"WHAT?! How will your subjects respond when they see this? Your hair looks so ugly and--"

"Hair dye, ma'am," Vaan interrupted. "They sell black hair dye. If this blonde doesn't come out, then we can just dye it black for the time being."

"Oh goodness, it's just not like you two to play around like this!" the maid exclaimed.

"Yes, I'm sorry, ma'am," Penelo spoke in a serious tone. "It seems all this work is getting to our heads. I shall try to stay more focused in the future."

"Maybe you should go on a vacation or --"

"No." Penelo glared at Vaan as she interrupted the maid. "Vacation is the last thing I need!"

"Are you sure? Well..."

"Thank you for everything, ma'am!" Penelo continued. "And I'm sorry again for putting you out like this."

"Oh, I'm just glad that we all know what's going on now," the maid said with a sigh. Vaan then grabbed Penelo's arm and rushed her out of the wash room, back into the office.

"What the hell did you do now, Vaan?!" she shouted once the door was shut.

"What are you talking about? I just rescued you from getting all your hair ripped out!" Vaan protested.

"You put your armor on like an idiot! Now people are probably permanently convinced that Basch and Larsa have lost it!"

"See, the maid even suggested going on vacation! I was right, wasn't I!" said Vaan with a grin.

"Whatever," Penelo mumbled as she sat down in the nearest chair. "I have to dye my hair black so I don't get attacked by anymore obsessive maids..."

"I'll go out and get it!" Vaan volunteered.

_I'm afraid of what will happen if he tries to buy hair dye,_ thought Penelo. Just then there was a knock at the door.

"Not again," Penelo muttered. Vaan rose to answer the door. When he opened it, a flustered servant ran in.

"S-sir Basch! It's terrible!"

"What happened?" Vaan asked in a convincing Basch voice.

"Your room, sir!" the servant replied. "I went in to change the sheets, and when I entered I saw broken glass lying all over the floor! I'm afraid someone tried to break in!"

Vaan suddenly laughed. "Oh, that's nothing! I accidently bumped into a vase while I was changing. That is all."

"Oh, really? Thank goodness!" The servant sighed. "Well then, I shall go clean it up. It shouldn't take long."

"Ah, thank you, sir!" Vaan said as the servant abruptly left the room. Once again the door shut.

"'Accidently bumped into a vase'?" Penelo murmured. "What did you really do, you big oaf?"

"Well, see, Basch has that awesome giant sword and all, right? So I figured I should go find it so I look like a more convincing Basch. But when I got there I remembered that I had packed it with Basch's stuff before they left, so I found a giant axe instead. But it was really heavy! When I tried to pick it up, it kinda flew into a giant glass vase and broke some big glass stuff," Vaan explained.

Penelo groaned. "Basch is going to kill you when he gets back."


	7. Chapter 7: Princess Larsa

_Sorry this one isn't quite as insane as others. I have to build up to the main insanity that is coming! But in this one we have Larsa cross-dressing so I hope you all like that. _

Chapter 7 -- Princess Larsa

The sun was glaring on the two guys from Archades as they trudged through the desert. They had been walking for hours, carrying the small bit of luggage Vaan had managed to pack for them.

"Sir Basch, are you sure this is the way to Rabanastre?" Larsa groaned as wiped more sweat from his brow.

"I am positive, my lord," the knight replied. Suddenly, the wind started to pick up.

"Finally! Some cool breeze!" Larsa explained. But then they saw a giant mass of sand rushing toward them in a cloud.

"SANDSTORM!!!"

Larsa and Basch ran to a large rock that happened to be standing nearby. Crouching down behind it, they tried to cover their noses and mouths from the harmful sand.

"My lord," Basch shouted over the roaring wind, "may I suggest that we use the cloth from these dresses to make handkerchiefs for our faces?"

"Yes, that would be a good idea!"

They quickly set to work ripping up one of the dresses into strips. Pretty soon their mouths were covered and their eyes were shielded. The storm continued to drag on without any hope of stopping.

"We can't stay here forever!" Larsa gasped finally. "We'll get covered up in the sands!"

"What do you suggest we do?"

"Let's try to press on. The sand is still thin enough that we should be able to see where we're going!"

So the two of them pushed through the sand cloud, barely able to see their hands in front of their faces. At one point Larsa felt a tug on his shirt, but he figured that it had been his imagination. After several more minutes the winds finally died down, and they plopped down into the sand to rest.

"Thank goodness that's overwith, Lord Lar..." Basch paused and stared at Larsa in shock.

"What is it?" Larsa stopped and looked at his outfit. Half of his shirt had been torn off, and his pants were ripped in several places.

"How in the world did this happen?" Larsa exclaimed. Then he remembered the tug from before. Glancing down at his boots, he saw some thorns sticking out.

"It seems as though you ran into a thornbush, my lord," Basch noted.

"Oh goodness, this is terrible! I must not have felt it as much because of the wind! What will I do now?"

The two sat and thought for a moment. Then, slowly, both heads turned to the lone dress remaining from their luggage.

"Oh, Sir Basch! I can't wear a dress! I'll look like a fool!" Larsa moaned.

"You cannot expect to go through the desert like that, my lord!" Basch countered. "Besides, we haven't seen another soul since we came here."

Larsa sighed. "I suppose you're right, but..." He took the dress in his hands and looked it over in disgust. "I hope no one sees me in this."

"I assure you no one will, since there seems to be no one out in the desert," Basch assured him.

"...Okay."

Larsa reluctantly slipped the dress over his head. It was bright pink and quite ruffly, to the point where he looked more like an empress than an emperor. Basch was about to mention this, but then he changed his mind on seeing Larsa's depressed face.

"If Penelo or Lady Ashe ever saw this..."

They continued to move on through the sands, only resting at nightfall. By the next afternoon the thought they saw smoke coming from the horizon.

"The Nomad camp! It must be!" Larsa exclaimed happily. "Oh we have found civilization at last!"

"Thank goodness..." Basch mumbled, for while he did not mind being stuck with the little emperor, he was tired of Larsa's snoring.

Larsa ran ahead to see if he could see the village from the top of the hill. However, once he got to the top he saw that the smoke was coming from a ship that had crash-landed.

"Oh dear, someone else is in the same predicament as us," Larsa mumbled to himself. Suddenly he heard someone coming up behind him. Thinking it was Basch, he turned around and began to say, "Sir Basch, there are more stragg--"

The person standing behind him was none other than Ba'Gamnan, the Bangaa bounty hunter who had chased him out of the Lhusu Mines during their previous journey.

"Hey, look at this little girlie all by herself!" the Bangaa snorted.

"I am not a girl!" Larsa protested.

"Such a cute high-pitched voice. And in such a dress! Don't try to fool me, girlie," Ba'Gamnan laughed. Soon more Bangaa came up behind their leader. "How about we take this little princess hostage to get ourselves a ransom!" he shouted. The others agreed.

"Sir Basch!" Larsa yelled. "Where are you?"

Seeing as he was trapped on the edge of the cliff, he knew he could not easily escape. He cursed himself for not bringing his sword with him. As one of the Bangaa tried to grab him, Larsa kicked him in the shins and tried to run. Unfortunately, there were too many bounty hunters around, and another one grabbed him by the arms.

"Let's take her back with us to the ship!" Ba'Gamnan ordered.

_Sir Basch! Where did you go?_ Larsa thought frantically.

The bounty hunters took him to the ship that he had seen from the hill. Apparently it had been shot down in a small dog-fight while the bounty hunters were chasing one of their rivals. Other Bangaa were hastily trying to repair the ship as they approached the site.

The Bangaa, still convinced that Larsa was a princess, offered him tea and other such princess-like refreshments. For bounty hunters they were quite polite to women. Larsa was still irritated about being called a girl, but the treatment sure was nice. However, he was concerned for Basch, since he hadn't seen or heard about him since they arrived at the campsite.

_Wherever could Sir Basch have gone?_ the little emperor wondered as he sipped his tea.


	8. Chapter 8: Vaan the Idiot

_I think Vaan gets called an idiot 4 times in this chapter. Time for some insane hair-dye-royal-official-mega-spending madness! _

Chapter 8 -- In Which Vaan Gets Called an Idiot a Lot

Penelo had been staring at the blank parchment for hours. It was a day before Larsa was scheduled to give a speech before all the people of Archades, and she had to make something up fast.

"What was he even supposed to talk about?" Penelo wondered as she stretched her arms.

"I got it, Penelo!" came a loud shout from the hallway. Penelo groaned.

"Vaan, you idiot! You can't shout my name out like that! I'm supposed to be Larsa, remember?"

"Oh right," Vaan whispered as he closed the door. In his hand he was carrying a small opaque vial.

"Is that the dye?" asked Penelo as Vaan set the vial on the table.

"Yup!" he replied. "Got it for only 800 gil from a street vendor!"

Penelo suddenly glared at him. "A STREET VENDOR?!" she shouted. "And you think that some street vendor is going to sell legitimate hair dye for 'only 800 gil'?"

"He said it would work," Vaan assured her. Penelo was not convinced, but she had no other choice. She grabbed the vial and went off to the washroom to go dye her hair black.

The washroom was quite huge, for it was Larsa's private washroom. Larsa has a private everything, since he's the emperor. Penelo stopped and looked in the mirror, getting one last look at her light blonde hair.

_If this doesn't turn out right, Vaan is so dead,_ she thought bitterly. She opened the vial and got her hair wet. The black liquid inside the vial smelled horrible, like a cross between nail polish remover and apple pie (which, trust me, smells terrible...). Then she slowly put it in her hair, keeping her eyes closed so it wouldn't get in them. The dye felt fairly slimey, and Penelo was starting to doubt that her hair was actually turning black.

"Penelo, how's it going?" Vaan yelled from the other side of the door.

"Come in and tell me what it looks like, Vaan," Penelo replied. "And be honest!"

Vaan walked in and burst out laughing.

"Is it really that bad?" Penelo squeaked. Vaan handed her a towel so she could wipe the rest of the goop out of her face. When she opened her eyes and looked in the mirror, she saw that her hair had become a nice, healthy shade of...

"GREEN?!" Penelo turned to Vaan and glared. "EXPLAIN TO ME WHY MY HAIR IS NOW GREEN!!"

"Umm..." Vaan merely gulped. Penelo rarely ever got this angry.

"GO AND GET REAL BLACK HAIR DYE FROM A REAL HAIR ACCESSORY SHOP, YOU IDIOT!!!"

"Yes, sir!" Vaan squealed as he dashed out of the room.

Penelo went back to her seat and moped over her ruined hair. The seaweed-green shade was not flattering in the least. She returned to her speech, trying to get her mind off of how dumb Vaan was. She knew she would have to come up with something that sounded like Larsa's style of writing. She decided to go through Larsa's desk to see if she could find previous drafts of a speech.

The first few pieces of paper she pulled out were drafts of the letter Basch had first written to them concerning Larsa's health.

_Now let's see what Basch really wanted us to do for Larsa,_ Penelo thought gloomily as she read through one of them.

_"I'm sure Lord Larsa would really appreciate it if the two of you would write back and encourage him a little. He has a lot to worry about, with all that Vayne and his father messed up before. I believe Lady Ashe has promised to visit us here in a few days on an official visit, though I am sure she also wants to talk about old times." _

"Just as I thought," Penelo muttered to herself. "He didn't want us to come up with a stupid plan to send them out to Balfonheim. I wonder how they are doing. They haven't written yet, and mail from Balfonheim is usually fairly quick to arrive..." Then she continued to read:

_"We have received reports that the people of Archades are a bit anxious about all of the change, so Lord Larsa plans to give a speech to encourage them. Unfortunately he has not yet started writing it, and his speech is supposed to be in just a few days. Hopefully he will get some ideas soon, though I am confident that his speech will be a good one."_

"Great, so Larsa didn't know what to write either. Maybe that's a good thing though. I can just write whatever I want."

Suddenly, there was a loud knock at the door.

"Queen Ashelia d'Banargan Dalmasca has arrived, Lord Larsa!" came a gruff voice. "She wishes to see you."

_Oh, Ashe, I'm sorry you have to get mixed up in all of this, too!_ Penelo thought. Then in her best Larsa impression she shouted, "You may send Her Majesty in here."

"As you wish, my lord."

The door opened and in came Ashe, dressed in a fancy white dress with gold trim. Her face had been royal and official-looking when she came in, but on seeing a green-haired Penelo in Larsa's chair her face immediately dropped.

"Penelo?! What are you doing? What happened to your hair? Where's--"

"Shh, I'll explain everything," Penelo whispered. She ran up and closed the door, leaving the two of them alone in the room.

"I was supposed to meet Larsa here to discuss political matters," Ashe continued in a shaky voice. "Is he all right?"

"To be honest, I have no idea," Penelo replied. "Sit down. It's a long story, and you'll never believe that Vaan could actually get this stupid."

A few minutes later, Vaan happily opened the door to Larsa's study, a new vial of hair dye in his hand.

"Hey, Pene... Larsa! I got real dye this time at a fancy place. Cost 200,000 gil so I hope it wo--"

"VAAN, YOU IDIOT!!" Ashe shouted, causing him to nearly drop the vial.

"Oh, h-hey, Ashe!" Vaan stuttered. "Wasn't expecting to see you here!"

Penelo sighed. "So this hair dye will actually work?"

"Hope so."

"Ugh..." Penelo once again went to the washroom with the vial and closed the door. Ashe continued to glare at Vaan.

"Vaan, you do realize that you are encroaching on very important political matters," she said slowly. "You have no idea where Larsa and Sir Basch are, and now you're impersonating royal officials, spending their money, and making a mess of their property!"

"Larsa and Basch are in Balfonheim!" Vaan reassured her. "And we haven't spent _that_ much money!"

"How much have you really spent, Vaan?"

"...About a million gil."

Ashe put her head in her hands. "Poor Larsa is going to have a nervous breakdown..." Then she looked back at Vaan. "As I was previously telling Penelo, I just came from Balfonheim. I never saw any signs of Larsa or Sir Basch being there."

Vaan gulped. "You mean they're not in Balfonheim?"

"No."

"Well, then where are they?"

"YOU IDIOT! That's precisely what we're worried about! No one knows where they are!" Ashe yelled.

The door to the washroom opened, and out came Penelo with pure black hair.

"Thank goodness it actually worked this time," Penelo sighed as she plopped down in Larsa's chair. "I just hope it all comes out eventually."

"Well, now what are we going to do?" Ashe asked the other two. "Until the real Larsa and Sir Basch return, you two will have to pretend to be them. But you can't go on like that for long, or someone will eventually catch on."

"For now we should just focus on writing Larsa's speech and figuring out how to find them," Penelo suggested.

Vaan began, "Maybe we could send out--"

"No more ideas from you!" Ashe and Penelo both shouted in unison. "You got us here in the first place!" Vaan put his head down and started to sulk.

"Anyway, Penelo," Ashe continued, "I can help you write the speech for now."

"Thanks, Ashe. You're a lifesaver," Penelo said with a sigh.

The two girls got to work writing a speech to present to the Archadian people, while Vaan occasionally interrupted with his own stupid suggestions like, "How about giving everyone free cakes as an incentive?" or "Why can't we make the whole affair a costume party, since Penelo and I are already dressed up?"

The speech-writing went long into the night, and there was still no word from Basch or Larsa.


	9. Chapter 9: Rescued!

_Hah, I think I spelled Ashe's middle name wrong in the last chapter... Go me for not checking the spelling... Anyway, now the story is starting to come to an end. But at least Princess Larsa and Basch get rescued! _

_Larsa: Stop that! I'm not girl! _

_Enjoy!_

Chapter 9 -- Rescued!

The large dinosaur finally fell to the ground, vanquished. Basch rested on his sword as he stopped to catch his breath.

_Those stupid rare monsters always show up at the worst possible times,_ he thought gloomily. He was curious as to why Larsa had not yet returned from the top of the hill. He looked up, but it was too far away for him to see much. The smoke from before was also beginning to die down.

Basch sighed and picked up his sword. Slowly he trudged up the hill, hoping to see Larsa at the top. However, when he reached the top Larsa was no where to be found.

"Lord Larsa!" Basch called out, but there was no answer. "I hope he went in the direction of the smoke," he mumbled to himself. Inside he was genuinely worried about the young lord, but since he rarely shows any kind of emotion, you wouldn't have seen the worry on his face. With the sun setting in front of him, Basch continued on in the direction of the smoke, occasionally calling for Larsa as he went.

Little Larsa, meanwhile, was slowly falling asleep at the Bangaa camp. The Bangaa, in their politeness, had given him a private room on their ship, so no one would disturb him. However, he deeply missed his nice, soft, fluffy bed back in Archades, and soon he was thinking about Penelo and Vaan.

_That speech of mine is supposed to be tomorrow, isn't it?_ he thought suddenly. _Everyone's probably in a panic over Sir Basch and me being missing. Goodness, I hope Vaan and Penelo have everything under control there..._

"Get up! We're moving out!" a gruff voice shouted outside. Larsa quickly sat up and heard more voices shouting orders.

"We've found him! He's on our radar!"

"That fool can't get away from us now!"

Larsa peered out the window and saw an airship coming toward them. Unfortunately, it was dark enough outside that he could not see what kind of ship it was.

"Get the hostage!"

A Bangaa burst into Larsa's room and pointed a spear at him. "All right, time to make yourself useful, Princess!"

Larsa got up and followed the Bangaa into the ship's cockpit. Ba'Gamnan was powering the ship up and making it ready to fly. On hearing Larsa enter the room, he turned and faced the little emperor.

"Sorry to wake you, Princess, but we need to use you as bait to reel in our biggest target," he explained. "If we say that a girl is aboard, the fool will definitely come to rescue her!" Then he burst out into a gruff laughter.

Soon the ship was in the air, chasing after the other airship. One of the Bangaa tried shooting at the ship, but Ba'Gamnan hit him sharply on the head.

"You idiot! We need him alive! Shoot at the wings, not the cockpit!"

The chase continued for several more minutes. Finally, Ba'Gamnan decided to make use of his "bait."

He grabbed the intercom system and shouted, "All right, pirate! We have an offer for you! Slow down and maybe we can make an agreement!" However, the other ship continued to fly ahead. Larsa thought he saw a small pod shoot out from the underside of the ship, but he didn't want to say anything.

"Fool! We have a princess aboard!" Ba'Gamnan shouted frantically. "If you turn yourself in, we'll set her free!" He quickly turned to Larsa and whispered, "Scream or something! We need to convince him!"

"Uhh..." Larsa was slowly getting less thrilled about getting treated like a girl. He gave a short squeal. "Ahh! Save me! Save me!" he squeaked in a monotonous voice.

"Fine, whatever," Ba'Gamnan mumbled. "Hear that, pirate? She's scared! You should come rescue the girl!" he yelled into the intercom.

"Already taken care of."

Everyone turned to see none other than Balthier Bunansa standing at the entryway to the cockpit, pointing a gun at them.

"H-how did you get on board?!" Ba'Gamnan squeaked. The sky pirate had caught him completely unarmed.

"What, you mean you didn't see that escape pod shoot out of my ship and attach to yours?" Balthier grinned. "You lizards are more dense than I thought!" He eyed Larsa and almost started laughing when he recognized him. "So, hand over the 'princess'. I have you cornered."

"Grr!" Ba'Gamnan looked around at each of his companions. "Fine! You win this time, Balthier!" He pushed Larsa over to Balthier, who was still pointing his gun at the bounty hunters.

"Also, I want you to land this ship now," Balthier ordered.

"What?!" Ba'Gamnan grunted and reluctantly followed his orders. The _Strahl_ also landed in front of them.

The bounty hunters exited the ship in front of Balthier and Larsa. Larsa also saw Fran emerge from the _Strahl_.

"Well, now that this lovely...princess..." Balthier was having trouble containing his laughter. "Now that she has been rescued, I'm sure she would like to have you all arrested for kidnapping a royal official. Isn't that right, Princess?"

"My thoughts exactly," Larsa replied with a grin.

"No!! Don't arrest us!" Ba'Gamnan pleaded. "Please! We were just trying to use her as bait! We would have let her go eventually!"

"Too late for that," Larsa replied. "Once I return home I shall have you all thrown in prison!"

The Bangaa returned to the ship and were forced to fly behind the _Strahl_ on a tether, so they wouldn't try to escape. Larsa and Balthier boarded the _Strahl_ behind Fran and entered the cockpit.

"Lord Larsa! Thank goodness you are unharmed!" Basch stood up from one of the chairs and bowed before the little emperor. "I apologize for failing in my duties to protect you, my lord."

"It's all right, Sir Basch!" Larsa exclaimed. "If I hadn't been captured, we might not have been rescued by Balthier and Fran!"

"We found Basch while we were escaping from the Bangaa," Fran explained. "He said he had lost you, and we figured that Ba'Gamnan had something to do with it."

"So, Larsa," Balthier interrupted. "Explain why you are dressed like a little princess in the middle of the desert."

Larsa sighed and explained about the "vacation" and the thornbush ruining his clothes.

"Vaan. Why does that not suprise me," Balthier sighed. "Well, I suppose we can take you two back to Archades... my lady."

"Balthier! It's not funny! I've had to deal with being called 'my lady' and 'princess' all afternoon! I'm so tired of this dress!" Larsa whined.

"I think it suits you," Fran noted. Balthier finally burst out into violent laughter.

"Well," he said after catching his breath, "Let's go back to Archades before Vaan blows up the capital, shall we?"


	10. Chapter 10: Finale

Chapter 10 -- Finale

Penelo anxiously twirled a finger through her dyed black hair. The speech was scheduled to be made in two hours, and she only had a few ideas scribbled down. Ashe was sipping tea, hoping that the caffiene would keep her awake for a little longer. She and Penelo had stayed up most of the night working on the speech, with little success.

"How's it going?" came Vaan's sleepy voice as he walked into the room. Vaan had given up long ago and enjoyed a fairly good night of sleep.

"Not much," Ashe replied. "I suppose we will just have to improvise most of it."

"Easy for you to say!" Penelo squeaked. "I've never given a big speech in front of an empire before!"

"Penelo, why don't you just say some stuff that sounds really smart and promising?" Vaan suggested. "It doesn't have to make sense. Half of the stuff Queen Ashe says doesn't make any sen..." His voice trailed off as he saw Ashe's annoyed glare.

"Anyway," Penelo continued, "the nobles probably wouldn't be that stupid to fall for that trick."

A knock was heard at the door. "My lord, the people are beginning to gather in front of the palace."

"Ugh, this is going to turn out so bad..." Penelo buried her face in her hands.

Ashe patted her on the back. "There, there, Penelo. I'll try to do most of the talking so you have time to think of something to say."

"Thanks, Ashe."

Another hour passed. Penelo was dressed in Larsa's finest clothes. From a distance one would not be able to tell her apart from the little emperor. She had enough scribbled down on paper to make a twenty-minute speech, but Ashe informed her that most royal speeches were several hours.

"Yeah, remember that one Vayne gave back in Rabanastre? It just ran on and on," Vaan commented.

"You should pay attention to some of mine," Ashe replied. "Then maybe you'd realize how difficult this process is." She was more annoyed with Vaan than even Penelo was at this point.

A half hour left. Penelo glanced over her speech several times.

"Well, it's not the greatest speech, but it should satify everyone..."

Suddenly, a loud engine could be heard in the distance. Ashe looked out the window and saw a small airship coming toward the palace.

"Hey, isn't that the _Strahl_?"

"What?"

Vaan and Penelo ran to the window. Sure enough, the _Strahl_ was flying right towards them.

"It's coming for the window!" Penelo exclaimed.

They all backed away as the ship docked by the window. The door opened up to the balcony, and out came...

"Larsa! Basch!"

Larsa, still wearing the pink dress, ran into the room and almost fainted at the sight of Penelo.

"Why are you dressed like that?" he exclaimed.

"I should ask you the same question!" Penelo laughed. "But you guys made it just in time! Larsa's speech is supposed to be in a half hour!"

"Oh goodness, that's right!" Larsa gasped. "What will I say? I've been gone for so long, it seems!"

"Well, Ashe and I came up with a little something last night," Penelo explained. "I was going to dress up like you and pretend to give your speech, since we had no idea where you two were."

"Yes, about that failed autopilot..." Basch muttered, turning to Vaan. "We ended up in the Mosphorian Highwaste with nothing but a couple dresses and my sword!"

Vaan grinned. "Well, did you two have a good time? When Balthier's telegram reached me I figured that you must have gotten lost somewhere..."

"'Balthier's telegram'?" Ashe looked suspiciously at Vaan.

Balthier then spoke up. "Oh, he didn't tell you? I sent a message to him yesterday saying that Fran and I had found Basch and Larsa and singlehandedly rescued the emperor from some Bangaa headhunters, and --"

"YOU MEAN YOU KNEW THEY WERE COMING BACK TODAY?!" Penelo and Ashe glared at Vaan.

"Yeah, well, you two seemed like you were having so much fun writing that speech, I didn't want to disturb you or anything!" Vaan said with a guilty smile.

Fran spoke before anyone could yell at Vaan for being stupid. "Isn't it about time to give the speech?"

"Right!" Larsa took Penelo's speech and said, "I'll need to change into proper clothes first, of course!" Then he darted off toward his room.

"Well, it seems like you didn't completely ruin Archades in Larsa's absence," Balthier noted. "Just what _did_ you do while he was gone?"

"Well, we--"

"I think we can explain later, after this whole speech is over," Ashe said, interrupting Vaan before he could say anything stupid.

Penelo looked reluctantly at her hair. "All that time spent on hair dye for nothing... I hope I can get this stuff out."

"At least you did a fair job impersonating Lord Larsa," Basch said as he eyed Vaan's crooked armor.

"It will come out," Fran assured her. "I have known friends who used this type of dye."

"That's good..."

Larsa gave his speech before the citizens of Archades. It was indeed quite a grand speech about how the empire was growing in various ways, and it encouraged further improvements until it could once again prosper.

"That was excellent, Penelo!" Larsa exclaimed after he was finished and they were all once again gathered in his study. "You should write my speeches more often!"

"Thanks!"

Then Larsa and Basch explained their adventures in the wilderness, fighting monsters and escaping from Bangaa bounty hunters. Larsa had put his captors in jail upon his arrival, and Ba'Gamnan in particular was greatly distressed when he learned that the "princess" he had kidnapped was actually the emperor of Archadia.

"So, Penelo, how did everything go here in Archades while we were gone?"

Penelo gulped. "Nothing too drastic happened..."

"We spent so much money!" Vaan interrupted. "Wow, Larsa, I never realized you were so rich! Oh, and Basch, sorry but I broke your vase that was in your room."

Basch put his head in his hands and sighed. "That was an antique..."

"H-how much money did you spend?" Larsa sqeaked.

"A little over a million gil," Penelo answered softly. "That was mostly because of Vaan, which shouldn't suprise you."

"Well, then it's a good thing that the reward on Ba'Gamnan's head was over a million gil," Balthier said suddenly. "I just happened to hear from one of the soldiers. Larsa can just collect his reward and not suffer from that bit of Vaan's idiocy."

Basch and Larsa sighed in relief.

"So, now that everything is back to normal, how about we have a big celebration!" Vaan shouted. "We can all go to Balfonheim and take a vacation!"

"NO!" was everyone's reply. "ENOUGH OF YOUR IDEAS!"

_So that's the end. I hope you all enjoyed it! I sure enjoyed writing it. If you liked this, check out some of my other stuff. I want to write another Final Fantasy XII story sometime, when I get another good idea._

_Crazygunbladergirl signing off!_


End file.
